Handle the Passive-Aggressive
Everybody has different ways of dealing with conflicts, disagreements, and differing viewpoints. Some of the most difficult people to deal with are those who exhibit passive-aggressive behavior to show that they disapprove of your actions, don’t like something you’ve done, or something they’ve thought you’ve done. Anyone can look at the same situation and come away with a different opinion of it.
Passive-aggressive people need to be understood, so that they don’t drive us mad. Or, if we suffer from being passive-aggressive ourselves, then it’s helpful to take a look at why it’s so easy but dangerous to get caught in this kind of behavior. There are a few root problems, but at the core is insecurity in some form or another.
Passive people are usually too insecure to engage in confrontation over what bothers them. In order to get their revenge and to compensate for the insecurity, they tend to do petty things to “get back at” that person. It often manifests itself in ways such as the silent treatment, sarcasm, or telling rude “jokes” that aren’t really jokes at all. Additionally, small side comments with the intentions of taking a small jab at someone are all give-away signs of passive-aggression. In conclusion, it’s being negative towards someone without directly addressing the issue at hand.
Confronting passive-aggressive behavior may initially seem like the right thing to do - however it’s likely too uncomfortable for that person. The point of being passive-aggressive is to bother that person as much as possible while avoiding conflict at the same time. This person doesn’t want a confrontation; they want slow, uncomfortable revenge.
An assertive person is the complete opposite. This is not to be confused with an aggressive person. Being assertive is a matter of taking control of the situation in a mature manner by dealing with the conflict at hand. Upon conclusion, the assertive person drops the issue without any lingering anger. On the other hand, an aggressive person shows a general disregard for the feelings of others and values their own desires above others.
When things get out of hand, we can’t just play a game of dancing around eggshells and hope that we don’t say anything wrong, we need to be assertive. But, as mentioned, people who exhibit passive-aggressive behavior hate when they are confronted, whether in an aggressive or assertive manner.
It’s not easy to deal with someone who loves to hate. Passive-aggressive behavior can even be caused by envy and jealousy – simply disliking someone because feelings of inferiority may have crept up. Instead of working to improve himself or herself, it’s easier to show negativity towards the person who “appears better.” So how do we help these people (or ourselves)?
Like all insecure people, those who are passive-aggressive need love – even when it seems impossible to give it to them. Forgiveness is huge. Engaging in the mind games and negativity of passive-aggressive behavior is only going to perpetuate the problem. Engaging in verbal fighting only feeds the validation of passive-aggressive behavior. Those who resort to this behavior want to see you upset, hurt, frustrated, and bothered. Confronting them is going to make you seem “insensitive” or “rude” to them because they’re trying to pretend like their behavior is normal.
Loving passive-aggressive people may seem like a blanket-statement, so let’s work to make it more practical. We can love people by complimenting them or showing our appreciation when they do something helpful. It has to be sincere. Although we may want to punish or show these people that they are wrong, it’s really our own fragile ego that wants to be “right.” Secure, confident, and strong people don’t need to prove to others that they are right; they know that they are right.
When we compliment those who dislike us, it creates mixed feelings. They may want to hate you but you’re breaking their reasons down. As the original reason for dislike gets farther away through time, we can give their minds new, positive experiences to help repair the relationship. It has to be a natural process and we don’t need to go out of our way to be extra friendly. Sometimes, people just have different viewpoints and don’t get along with each other, but it doesn’t mean that hate needs to be present.
There are a million ways for us to be negative, annoying, and bothersome to others. We all do it in some form or another. The more quickly we can forgive others, the easier it will be to forgive ourselves when we inevitably make mistakes.
For further related reading, please check out: “Living Well is the Best Revenge?”
