Good Socializing
I was surprised when I came across a statistic that concluded that most people in a conversation are not thinking about what the other person is saying, but rather, they are focusing on what they will say next. Socializing can be a bit strange at times because we may feel expected to perform – especially in job interviews, presentations, and formal events. However, it’s not complicated if we keep a priority on two things: listening and caring.
We don’t need to be the most interesting, smartest, clever, or entertaining person, but we may be tempted to always be quick on our feet and have something relevant to say because we want to look knowledgeable, educated, or cultured. In the process, the way we socialize may slip into an exercise of selfishness due to concentration on ourselves rather than tuning in to the conversation. This is especially a problem when a habit is made out of interrupting someone else before they are finished speaking.
Personally, I don’t like to say much more than is necessary, especially to people whom are unfamiliar to me. People could think I’m a bit antisocial at times because I don’t enjoy talking just for the sake of talking. Small talk isn’t always comfortable for me because I don’t find a lot of meaning from it. This is not to say that I don’t care about the other person; I simply prefer to talk about something deeper than surface conversations the majority of the time. One of the biggest compliments I’ve received from a close friend was, “I appreciate you a lot because you actually listen – and when we don’t talk, I know we both feel comfortable.”
My friend knows that he’s heard and that I care. He didn’t need to be entertained, to be laughing, to be filled with “new knowledge” in order to enjoy the moment. When we are busy trying to impress everyone, we may end up talking more than we need, and risk over sharing information.
Really tuning in can often change your viewpoint. Some of us, at some level, may fear that. We worry that if we’re wrong or easily swayed, then we might look “stupid.” There’s nothing wrong with changing your opinion after a conversation. There’s no need to win an argument or look correct all the time. In fact, many successful leaders find success because they share ideas and thoughts with those who’s opinions they trust. We don’t need to be self-sufficient - we can sharpen both ourselves and whom we engage in thoughtful discussion.
In conclusion, if you can’t find anything to talk about, then there’s no need talk at all – which may seem like a painful and awkward situation for those who feel the need to always fill in the gap. But, it’s not necessary; we just need to make sure that person had been listen to, cared for, and loved.
For further related reading, please check out: Handle the Passive-Aggressive.
