Thoughts on Being Shy

While often mistaken as the same attribute, being shy is quite different than being introverted. Being introverted is simply a preference for being by one’s self rather than in the company of others. Introverts tend to become exhausted with the effort of maintaining conversation and socializing for long periods of time due to the energy it requires. The shy person can feel exactly the same, however, the difference is that being shy is a result of being uncomfortable around others.

Being shy has literally no benefits. As much as movie audiences love to see the noble shy guy prevail in the end, get the girl, succeed against all odds, and be the unexpected hero, it’s just simply not often the case.

Many people think that being shy is a good thing. It’s better than being than loud-mouthed a-hole that overly shares his or her opinion all the time. We don’t want to be seen as the arrogant prick, so it’s easier to hang back and remain silent.

The problem with this mindset is the internalized expectations we may have associated with confidence. It needs to be clear that the opposite of being shy is being assertive - not being arrogant. It’s possible to be assertive while remaining humble, compassionate, and responsible. There’s nothing wrong with being confident, because confidence should exhibit respect, despite any social hierarchy. There’s a huge difference between being arrogant and being confident. The former ignores all feedback, while the latter respects it, moves forward, and learns from making mistakes.

Being shy literally has not helped anyone to be an effective person. Instead, it makes a person agreeable and average. The world readily accepts the shy person simply because they are not threatening. People feel safe around shy people - they share all their stories with them, and they easily become targets of emotional release. It’s sad, but people feel superior to shy people, so the shy person is capable of having a lot of “friends” simply because they help boost the social status of others.

To break out of the problem of shyness, we have to be sure of what we’re doing. We need to know that life is bigger than ourselves, and that our actions are for a cause beyond our small selves. It’s counter-intuitive that we gain our confidence in realizing that we’re smaller than just our own gratifications. However, life is a mystery and it will always remain so. “So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” –Matthew 20:16. There’s nothing wrong with being wrong from time to time when we choose to learn from our mistakes.

For further related reading, please check out: Priorities.