Winning, Losing, or Leaving

How do we win, do we need to win, and when do we just got to let an issue go? All good questions, usually contingent upon the situation, as well as the mindset of what winning and losing actually is. I used to get hung up (and still sometimes do) on feeling the need to be right, but sometimes, we just can’t get our own logic into someone else’s head (even if it is correct and helpful). It’s not just based on ego (all though it easily can be), but rather (hopefully) from trying to develop better relationships and an understanding.

Further difficult, is not coming across as preachy when you actually are correct. No one likes to feel wrong, and having others point it out can bring insecurity or discomfort.

I like to think that my actions, even when silent, can speak more about my thoughts and beliefs than me going into a detailed explanation of my beliefs. Sure, an explanation can help, but actions show more of the reality of what you believe and how you actually apply it. We may need to be silent and let something work itself out.

It’s not to say we should be pushovers, but it can be a matter of patience and sensitivity. Perhaps silence may be used to save other relationships from being damaged as collateral. Family relationships can be especially delicate. No one wants to drag other family members into a feud that wasn’t their business to begin with.

There are just a toxic environments that need to be left. I believe in forgive and forget (in the sense that you don’t bring it up later) – love of course, is patient, kind, etc. However, I believe that if you respectfully tell someone you are hurt or have an issue that needs to be addressed, and the issue is reoccurring and redundant – then we really need to respect ourselves. There’s a difference between honorable self-sacrifice and being a punching bag for someone unhealthily venting out their anger.

What good can we do in a toxic environment? What good can we do if someone us negative all the time? You can show someone your way of thinking, but it doesn’t mean they’re going to understand or apply it. You can still love and forgive someone, but it can best to separate ourselves because we can’t drown in a black hole.

Perhaps that’s what winning is – is coming to a point in which a problem can get solved in which both parties don’t get hurt. Most people think that problems involve one person winning and the other losing, but maybe our logic doesn’t need to be so old fashioned and outdated.

A win-win outcome is not always possible, but I like to think that if I can avoid damage to others, then I’ve done the best and “won.” However, if it comes at the cost of causing damage to myself, then I’ve lost. If both parties can’t come to a resolve, then hopefully both parties can leave cordially, and it’s neutral. But perhaps that’s the way it is supposed to be. I shouldn’t expect everyone to agree and see everything the way I see it. It doesn’t mean someone is wrong, it just means there are differences.

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