Letting Go of the Past

We all have bad things happen to us, and everyone knows that they should forgive and forget (or better, be more careful). That advice is little more than words until we actually know how to forgive and let go of our frustrations. After I’ve held onto things for way to long, despite trying to let them go, I was curious on what was keeping me from fully forgiving someone.

I realized that I would replay an event, and put a new ending on it. Perhaps I’d have a clever comeback or find a way I could have handled the situation better. While this almost sounds like a good idea – it’s really not. It’s a good idea see find where the situation went wrong, and learn how to handle it better the next time. However, it’s a form of torture to keep reliving an event that’s already past.

So how do we find peace, closure, or a way to move on without holding onto the past? The issue is within ourselves, and how we handle the situation – not how other people treat us. If we care and respect ourselves, we can drop a jerk and their opinion from our lives without getting hung up on it. However, if we allow others to let us feel like crap, then we’re still to blame.

Ok, it feels like salt in the wound to admit that we are responsible for someone being a jerk to us! But, this is exactly how we get over it. The world is not always friendly – it’s an understatement. We have to accept reality and take care of ourselves. What the best way to do it? Learn how to respect yourself and say “no” when needed. Not always easy, but practice gets things easier over time. Little things lead us to handle the big things.

If someone does wrong to us, we either call him or her out on it, or simply leave that person to eventually reap what they sow. It really depends on context. If it’s a close friend or family, then perhaps calling them out on it is a good thing. Is it an in-law who is being toxic? Then distance yourself from them and spend as little as time as possible around them. Is it a random drunk stranger? Then, let that one go – strangers don’t know us and an unwarranted verbal attack is not going to be persuaded by logic.

Blaming ourselves only applies to verbal and emotional attacks – no one deserves to be blamed for an unwarranted physical attack or rape. In those cases, there are true victims, and that requires a deeper process of healing. We do need to be responsible for protecting ourselves as best as we can, both mentally and physically.

It is sucks to admit to being a coward or letting people get under our skin. But, if we can handle the reality of the situation and take responsibility for it, you we’re free to leave the crap behind and improve yourself.

The worst thing to do is nothing, and let the same thing happen over and over again. The smart thing is to feel the sting, see why it happened, and take care of yourself. Revenge is not necessary when you stand your ground. The best revenge truly is living well.

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